Victory At ‘See’ Part 3: Eye of the Tiger

Captain Cartoon’s first post-eye operation studio board drawing.

By Michael K. Todd

The looming eye operation promised to be tenuous, to say the least. Captain Cartoon’s severe cataract blocked the surgeons’ view of the detaching retina, so that had to be fixed as well. Therein lay the miracle, however. The uninsured caricaturist – having to work through that cataract for six long years – would soon be liberated from a fog-shrouded existence!

To be sure, there is considerable cost associated with a dual cataract/detached retina operation, and upon hearing the projected amount, he instinctively elected to return home and let that curtain fall. Nearing the parking lot, however, common sense prevailed . . . and Dick Kulpa trudged back up to the Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute’s sixth floor to face the music.

Here’s what the Captain always fears during any eye operation. Fortunately this did not happen here.

Not to understate the tremendous efforts, expertise and execution wielded by the two main surgeons involved, there is little that can be said here about the actual operation. Patients remain semi-conscious during these types of operations, posing no problem for the Captain who is semi-conscious by nature. And while Kulpa posted a gag cartoon about the operation on Facebook, fact was, both procedures went flawless. This, as opposed to previous eye surgeries by local eye surgeons which were everything but.

Upon next day’s bandage removal is when an eye-popping miracle occurred. Kulpa could see and recognize his driver from over three feet away – all the way across the street! This newly-discovered clarity was astounding. Signs could now be read and more importantly, faces could be seen in all their detail by this long-time caricature artist! Freckles…eye color…..even those much-dreaded wrinkles were now plain as day.

It was as if a six-year fog had been lifted, especially when Kulpa went back to his studio work. That’s because, while his caricature markers were all labeled making coloring pretty accurate, such was not the same on computer. Upon opening a file for his latest book “Lil’ Lilly” is when the Captain, with renewed vision as good as his cat’s,  discovered what heretofore was virtually impossible for him to see.

The illustrations below make the point:

LIL’ LILLY book: The left page is what Kulpa colorized prior to his operation, the right page is as he thought it appeared. Dick could not see yellow properly, nor could he see contrast. In the revised version he has recolored the black outline around Ollie, the little boy. That itself was not the problem: Kulpa saw no onscreen difference in the fleshtones.

A more dramatic look at what Captain Cartoon could not see in his computer colorization: This “Lil’ Lilly” book’s back cover, while shown in various stages, gives a dramatic insight into what Kulpa could not see properly onscreen: The color yellow.
That rainbow star at the left was supposed to be the same color as the rainbow star on the right. To the Captain, it looked as red on the left side as it now is on the right side.
The red you see on both sides occurred because Dick simply used the pallet box to set that color. But not for the rainbow.

Unfortunately, a down side emerged post-op. It seems a neighbor lady who’d been hitting on the Captain was inadvertently exposed when he got a second look – through his new eye – and drew an updated caricature of her.

That cataract-retina operation was a real eye-opener for the Captain, who finally saw his neighbor lady as she really looked.

So, Just how does Captain Cartoon feel after getting his sight back? Find out here!

Dick Kulpa published CRACKED Magazine and is former artist of the Star Trek, Bruce Lee and Ghost Story Club syndicated newspaper strips. He is also known as the creator of Bat Boy.

Victory At ‘See’ Part 2: Miracle in Miami

Two weeks after emergency retinal eye surgery, Captain Cartoon was back at it. Here he is shown giving life to Lil’ Lilly, a creation of author Kathy Johnson for her Starlette Universe book series. Lil’ Lilly’s book “What a Babe” is on sale now, in fact!

By Michael K. Todd

Using a scene from the Graceland TV show featuring Captain Cartoon, here is how a detaching retina looks:
1. Dark area appears, in this case, the upper left corner. It’s actually the lower right corner of your eye.
2. Within a day, the “curtain” progresses.
3. Within 3 days, it can move toward the center. Once that center area detaches, it’s…
4….all she wrote. Oddly enough, this is what I saw in 2008 with a complete detachment.

Down to one good eye, Dick Kulpa’s remaining retina was steadily detaching. He had 24-72 hours to get this fixed, with no jury-rigging, no options, no credit and unfortunately, no insurance.

“When somebody shorts you $50 grand in a tainted magazine sale that ultimately was never closed, that tends to limit one’s options,” he explained. “When they got an award from the President himself, that took the cake. Unfortunately I could not do a thing about it in my condition.”

“My forthcoming book will cover all that'” he added. “As one can see, I had mighty good reasons why I was hog-tied.”

He’s limped along on a heavily-cataracted left eye after losing his right eye to a detached retina in 2008. “I was grounded, but I could still see to draw,” he proudly proclaimed, “and I did just that. I knew the jig would be up at some point, however, because that cataract was getting worse.”

As the retinal curtain steadily fell, Kulpa communicated his crisis to Boca Raton attorney and fellow creative collaborator Kathy Johnson, who immediately researched Dick’s available options. “You need to get to Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami Hospital,” she advised. “They will work with you.”

She was proven absolutely right, so Dick went to Miami. Albeit reluctantly.

Dick says he’ll dig up a Dolphins cartoon later. The Packers have replaced the ‘Fins as public enemy no. 1, he adds.

Why reluctantly? Kulpa, former cartoonist for the Chicago Bear Report newspaper, always “hated” Miami. While having many friends and events there, he never forgave that city’s Miami Dolphins for denying the 1985 Chicago Bears a perfect winning season.

Dick Kulpa cartoon about Communist Russia drawn in the 1980s.

Dick frequently drew Bears cartoons along with “anti-Red Russian Menace” cartoons back in the 1980s-90s, never expecting to need his life saved, as it would turn out…by representatives of both Miami and Russia. That’s because his surgeon-savior was a Russian-born doctor out of St. Petersburg, the former Leningrad of Russia. “And,” says Kulpa, “she, along with the cataract removal surgeon, were damned good at it.”

“Everything about that place was solid…staff, equipment, even the coffee. There’s a good reason why the Miami University Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute is number one in the world,” Kulpa said.

“I saw that with my own eye!”

Kulpa’s first post-operation cartoon posted on Facebook. The Captain communicated with cartoons because he could not see to type.

“I now love Miami and I am also very happy we never nuked Russia,” he added.

• Tomorrow: Eye of the Tiger! Dick Kulpa gets the shock of his life when he “really” sees everything he had missed, the color “yellow” being one of them.
• “My restoration appears to be geometric, going beyond vision issues,” says Kulpa. Find out why.
• “Before and after” cartoons will be posted.

Victory At ‘See!’

Popular South Florida party caricature artist Captain Cartoon has drawn nearly 40,000 faces since 2005.

By Michael K. Todd

South Florida caricature artist Captain Cartoon (aka Dick Kulpa) has suddenly been confronted with the single greatest threat any artist could ever face: total blindness within days.

Captain Cartoon created the famous Bat Boy in 1992. One might say he became a geezer bat boy “blind as a bat” through his decimated vision.

The Captain had already lost his right eye to a detached retina in 2008, partly because he failed to recognize it for what it was. (It did not help that the eye doctor initially misdiagnosed this.) By the time surgery occurred it was too late, as the retina detachment was total.

Concurrently, the Captain’s remaining “good” eye was crippled by a severe cataract back then,  creating a bit of a dilemma. With no Job, no Cash and no Hope, he had to come up with something to stay afloat, so he resorted to  jury-rigging, an art he became exceedingly efficient at maintaining his antique 1960 Chevy
“Double Eagle “ since 1969.

How the Captain saw people, so long as they were within three feet.

To continue functioning as a caricaturist, the Captain sandwiched two “Goodwill” eyeglass lenses together – giving him just enough vision to see facial features – until a powerful -13.50 lens arrived. Health insurance was useless (and still is, considering hefty co-pays.) After a 2004 cataract procedure, an insurance company backtracked until they found an optometrist who originally detected that cataract. Declaring it a “preexisting condition,” they refused to pay the assessed $20,000-plus costs.

Having already been taken down by the sabotaged sale of a magazine the Captain once published – it was never fully paid for or closed on due to a legal conundrum wrought by the buyer – the near-blind caricature artist had few choices, and even less money…he also had a daughter to support, so the show had to go on. Survival became THE main challenge.

Captain Cartoon just released this illustrated children’s book on Amazon.com: “What A Babe!”

Life became a series of blurs for the Captain. With nose to the table, he could still see detail, but various website projects wound up on back burners due to difficulty at reading, researching, etc. Driving was out of the question, and if the Captain dropped an eraser, it became almost impossible to find – often ending a studio session abruptly. He could not even see himself in his own mirror.

Ironically, his blurred vision helped break down faces into the most basic shapes, ideal for caricaturing, and because he was now forced to draw with his left eye only, “right brain” connectivity actually improved his work.

Glass patio doors became a major nemesis however…especially when they were closed.

Captain Cartoon’s blurred vision turned him into a fountain of youth of sorts.

Blind as a bat, the Captain nonetheless became an instant hit with women at caricature events. He could barely see wrinkles, thereby making everyone look 2o years younger in his drawings. As the cataract worsened, he conducted facial anatomical study, finally learning how to draw a skull – foundation for any face – not to mention muscles and other structural facets. As in sight reading vs phonics, the self-taught Captain learned to draw via sight and memorization, not anatomical structure. All that changed.

But it was not what the Captain saw; it was what he could not see that had dogged him for years. He had no clue.

The cataract was getting worse, however, and the Captain, fresh from a January 2014 Orange Bowl caricature event, predicted in a Facebook post he’d never draw at the Orange Bowl again with “these eyes.”

That post proved eerily prophetic as two days later, “the dark curtain” began to descend without warning over his remaining eye, like storm clouds on a horizon. His last retina was detaching, and detaching fast, and Dick Kulpa knew he had less than 72 hours of sight remaining. Captain Cartoon’s ship was sinking.

TOMORROW: A Miracle in Miami

Dick Kulpa published CRACKED Magazine and is former artist of the Star Trek, Bruce Lee and Ghost Story Club syndicated newspaper strips. He is also known as the creator of Bat Boy.

My Take on the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting Travesty

As a caricature artist I’ve drawn many thousands of kids – particularly young tourists from the northeast – since 2005.  Recently at the Sailfish Marina on Singer Island (Florida), I counted a number of childrens from Connecticut as having caricatures done. That’s because I always ask where they’re hailing from.

I conceivably could have drawn one of those children, though I’ll probably never know this. One thing is certain, however: I will never get to draw them now.

This is MY take on this senseless debacle.

Cartoon shows a grief-stricken Santa crying in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.

A “printable” version of this has been added to my home website.

Former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Makes Media Comeback With the Starlette Universe

BOCA RATON, FL — When author and prominent attorney Kathy Johnson approached Dick Kulpa in 2009 to help develop her Starlette Universe, his initial inclination was to decline her offer, since this entailed drawing pretty teen girly-girls and not the macho super heroes he once aspired to.

The satirical aspect of the Starlette Universe  grabbed him, however, and the rest is history. “Especially the parts with the flying pig. And a talking cow.” he quipped.

Starlette girls stymie a charging boar (who is really a shape-shifted Eva the Evil)…with puns!

Plus, these “Barbies” had attitudes, he’d soon discover.

“Kathy’s penchant for puns and poetry intrigued me to no end,” admits Kulpa, and to have a pageant judge coaching me — sometimes vigorously — as to the fine points of drawing glamorous, pretty girls proved invaluable.” After all, back in 1984 Marvel production guru Sol Brodsky advised Kulpa to learn just that.

The evil Eva is peering out a window in this Dick Kulpa-illustrated cover of Kathy Johnson’s Starlette Universe Book 2: Eva From E-VILLE. Eva was drawn digitally onscreen with a Wacom tablet.

“The Starlette Universe features six distinctively different teen girls and their”miss”adventures rivaling anything superheroes offer,” says Kulpa. Their chief nemesis is a jealous, demonic teen queen named “Eva” (the evil) who possesses the bizarre ability to shape-shift into any scary creature she chooses. “What cracks me up,” Kulpa says, “is when the Starlette girls confront adversity with a barrage of puns — and GOOD puns at that!”

The Starlettes also offer solid life lessons mixed in with their entertaining tales, something Kulpa embraces. “I have a long term history producing cartoons and comics offering added social benefit, i.e. the anti-gang “Gangbuster” comic book, as well as political cartoons, so that part is right up my alley.”

“Add to the mix that the author successfully raised a daughter to become a successful national beauty pageant contestant and now a highly respected attorney. Kathy’s record speaks for itself,” says Kulpa, who himself has no plans on entering beauty pageants.

Kulpa says he has to be in the right moo-ood to draw the udderly incredible Blossom the cow, provider of sage advice to the Starlettes — and for the young girl readers who read it.

The former CRACKED Magazine publisher successfully resurrected his artistic career in CRACKED’s aftermath with “Captain Cartoon,” South Florida caricature artist who’s drawn over 35,000 people since 2005. “Those caricatures are hanging around the world, from Moscow (Russia) to Mukwonago, Wisconsin,” he added. Kulpa’s also produced a coloring book, illustrated slide shows and several cartoon billboards among a variety of caricature and cartoon-based projects. Kulpa reveals he’s also written a book about his CRACKED adventure encompassing all points start-to-finish, but he’s  declined to say anything further.

Kulpa has thrown his support to Kathy Johnson’s just-launched Starlette Kickstarter campaign, and produced a first ever semi-animated video on behalf of the Starlette Universe. “It highlights Kathy Johnson’s pun technique and even uses my own music as its soundtrack,” says Kulpa.

“This o-‘puns’ up more opportunities,” he quipped. Kulpa also hints that he may include a bonus autographed CRACKED Magazine along with the rewards posted on Kickstarter for Starlette Universe support.

See Dick Kulpa’s animated video on Kickstarter (and throw some support to the Starlettes 🙂

Dick Kulpa’s blog: Starlettes Humorist Wants More Women as Comedy Writers

Dick Kulpa’s Parody & Cartoon website

Dick Kulpa’s caricature website

World’s Biggest Virtual Caricature Wall of Fame Just Got Bigger — with 41 More Faces Added!

ATLANTIS, FL — Rosalita’s Tex-Mex Grill’s online caricature wall of fame now features nearly 600 faces, as drawn by South Florida caricaturist Captain Cartoon!

The caricature captain came aboard the highly popular and acclaimed Rosalita’s on Cinco De Mayo in 2010. Since then, he has drawn 100s of faces Tuesday evenings during “Kids Eat Free Night” at the highly acclaimed Mexican food restaurant

“Some places I’ve performed at actually post copies of these caricatures on their walls,” says the captain, “but this restaurant’s highly cultural decor was not conducive to it, so we posted everything on the Web.”

Not only are customers entertained and gifted with a free Captain Cartoon caricature, they get access to a ready-made digital version online. “I snap a pic of the drawing that night, usually with my Blackberry, then open it up via Photoshop and restore the photo to as near a look to the original as possible,” says the captain.

“I’ve also posted ‘how to make greeting cards from your caricatures‘ online,” he adds, “so folks get the most out of this.”

Captain Cartoon gets requests for all kinds of sketches, and savvy entrepreneurs even come in for caricatures they use for their business cards. “Why pay lots of bucks to get these done when you can come to Rosalita’s (Tuesday eves) or Duffy’s (Wednesday Eves) and get professional renditions for free?” he asks.

See the ever-expanding “World’s Biggest Online Caricature Wall of Fame.”

Hot Dog! Check Out the Captain’s Latest Weiner Cartoons

Click on cartoon to see Weiner in a bun

Captain Cartoon has thrown his two cents’ worth of cartoon commentary into the fray, posting brand new Anthony Weiner cartoon illustrations, including one featuring a naked Weiner wrapped in a hot dog bun, on his news-satire website.

Congressman Weiner recently shot himself in the (foot) with “tweets” of suggestive and outright lewd pix aimed at females following his Twitter account. While the Captain originally intended to let this issue pass without comment, the Congressman’s continued lies and bizarre revelations changed the cartoonist’s mind.But this hot dog is not the only cartoon subject on the Captain’s IUDEXonline website! Former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn is featured in a “visual”, chasing a maid down a hotel suite hallway. wearing his birthday suit. A full body shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger “as a baby” is posted, as well as a cartoon visual showing Osama bin Laden meeting Jesus in Heaven.

IUDEXonline (pronounced as “YOU-decks”) is the Captain’s satire website, a culmination of his previous 40 years experience as a political cartoonist (various newspapers), tabloid editor (Weekly World News), teen humor magazine publisher (Cracked Magazine) and lately, caricature artist. The Captain’s works have enjoyed syndication by newspaper comic strip syndicates.

Captain Cartoon currently appears throughout South Florida as a party and event caricature artist. He also produces cartoons, caricatures, illustrations and billboard cartoons for a variety of clients.

Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Baby? Meet “The Tot-inator”

Given the ongoing tempest over Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recently-revealed extra-curricular activities, Captain Cartoon has posted his second Schwarzenegger cartoon commentary. A devout fan of Arnie and his Terminator movies, the Captain is not taking these drawings, or the issues, lightly.

Drawing on his tabloid (Weekly World News) roots, Captain Cartoon (aka Dick Kulpa) immediately pondered as to what the “love child” looked like.  A quick sketch during a marina caricature stint brought howls of laughter from curious onlookers, but the Captain, after some considerable soul-searching, felt the newly-discovered son to be a total innocent in this case.

Likewise, Maria Shriver seems to have done nothing but right during her marriage to the Terminator.

As for Arnold Schwarzenegger himself? No problemo!

Rather than ponder as to what an Arnold Schwarzenegger “love child” might look like, the Captain instead chose to imagine Arnold himself as an infant.

In fact, the thought did occur: As a plot device for the next terminator spin-off, Arnold’s T-101 could get it on with the Terminatrix from movie 3 and create their very own “Tot-inator!”

Captain Cartoon conception of Arnie as a baby. The "Totinator" is shown with a "dumbbell-rattle" and a bottle of Muscle Milk in this cartoon. Click image for its home web site and larger view -- there are a number of celeb caricatures and political cartoons on this page!

Hasta la vista, baby!

Is Al Qaida Plot Causing Speaker Boehner to Cry?

House Speaker John Beohner's loose tearducts are beginning to irritate some people.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — They vowed to turn American cheers into tears, and it looks like Al Qaida is succeeding, say sources, who claim to have uncovered a bizarre terrorist plot designed to turn U.S. officials into crybabies. Oddly enough, it appears U.S. Speaker of the House John “Boo-Hoo” Boehner is their prime target.

Speaker Boehner allegedly broke down twice as he spoke during a recent commencement exercise in the nation’s capital, according to major news organizations. If true, this is the latest in a series of crying jags besetting the prominent U.S. official, stemming from victory speech wails to a breakdown on the TV show “60 Minutes.” Other weeping incidents have also occurred in his recent past, according to press reports.

But there may be cause for all this: The unnamed sources claim a mystery parcel — filled with onions — was found “in close proximity” to Boehner’s podium. Other evidence has also been found, they add.

But “terrorist plots” may not be the culprits. A psychic claims Boehner’s propensity for crying stems from an alleged rejection by girl playmates back when he was a boy.

In a recent alleged incident, several key congressmen supposedly chastised Boehner , comparing their pit bulls, German Shepherds and Dobermans to an alleged poodle in the Speaker’s possession, and at one point Boehner began to cry. Feeling sorry for their colleague, the offending representatives backed Boehner for Speaker of the House.

This satirist has not found any evidence of any poodle in Boehner’s possession, and attempts to reach key people went unanswered. Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was said to be “snickering too much” to comment.

“Speaker (John) Boehner is part of the line of succession to the U.S. Presidency,” warns an outsider. “Whatever is ailing him, be it Al Qaida plots, onions, hemorrhoids or defacto emotional issues, he needs to “man up” and get this resolved before America starts to look like it’s run by a bunch of sissies. Perhaps an on-off spigot attached to each eye will do it.

See more at Iudexonline.

Caylee Anthony Memorial Portrait Posted on Web

Memorial portrait of young Caylee Anthony as we hope she now looks -- as an angel. Click on the image to see a larger view on the website page featuring it.

This memorial portrait of two-year-old Caylee Anthony has been posted on Caricature artist Captain Cartoon’s website.

The South Florida caricature captain has drawn nearly 20,000 caricatures of younger girls during the past seven years, and says he’s come to see all little girls as angels.

“Without passing judgement on guilt or innocence of Caylee’s mom, I felt people needed some sort of feelgood image associated with little Caylee” said the Captain, co-producer of the teen girl-oriented Starlette Universe. “I have two daughters and a granddaughter myself. I recall them at Caylee’s age — they were total angels.”

Mother Casey Anthony’s murder trial is expected to begin Monday, May 9.

Captain Cartoon has no intent on marketing the image, and if any proceeds were ever to arise from it, all would go to child abuse prevention charities.