Category Archives: Dick Kulpa

Victory At ‘See’ Part 2: Miracle in Miami

Captain cartoon at the Sailfish Marina

Two weeks after emergency retinal eye surgery, Captain Cartoon was back at it. Here he is shown giving life to Lil’ Lilly, a creation of author Kathy Johnson for her Starlette Universe book series. Lil’ Lilly’s book “What a Babe” is on sale now, in fact!

By Michael K. Todd

retinal detachment chart

Using a scene from the Graceland TV show featuring Captain Cartoon, here is how a detaching retina looks:
1. Dark area appears, in this case, the upper left corner. It’s actually the lower right corner of your eye.
2. Within a day, the “curtain” progresses.
3. Within 3 days, it can move toward the center. Once that center area detaches, it’s…
4….all she wrote. Oddly enough, this is what I saw in 2008 with a complete detachment.

Down to one good eye, Dick Kulpa’s remaining retina was steadily detaching. He had 24-72 hours to get this fixed, with no jury-rigging, no options, no credit and unfortunately, no insurance.

“When somebody shorts you $50 grand in a tainted magazine sale that ultimately was never closed, that tends to limit one’s options,” he explained. “When they got an award from the President himself, that took the cake. Unfortunately I could not do a thing about it in my condition.”

“My forthcoming book will cover all that'” he added. “As one can see, I had mighty good reasons why I was hog-tied.”

He’s limped along on a heavily-cataracted left eye after losing his right eye to a detached retina in 2008. “I was grounded, but I could still see to draw,” he proudly proclaimed, “and I did just that. I knew the jig would be up at some point, however, because that cataract was getting worse.”

As the retinal curtain steadily fell, Kulpa communicated his crisis to Boca Raton attorney and fellow creative collaborator Kathy Johnson, who immediately researched Dick’s available options. “You need to get to Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute at the University of Miami Hospital,” she advised. “They will work with you.”

She was proven absolutely right, so Dick went to Miami. Albeit reluctantly.

Chicago Bear Report cartoon

Dick says he’ll dig up a Dolphins cartoon later. The Packers have replaced the ‘Fins as public enemy no. 1, he adds.

Why reluctantly? Kulpa, former cartoonist for the Chicago Bear Report newspaper, always “hated” Miami. While having many friends and events there, he never forgave that city’s Miami Dolphins for denying the 1985 Chicago Bears a perfect winning season.

Yuri Andropov death cartoon

Dick Kulpa cartoon about Communist Russia drawn in the 1980s.

Dick frequently drew Bears cartoons along with “anti-Red Russian Menace” cartoons back in the 1980s-90s, never expecting to need his life saved, as it would turn out…by representatives of both Miami and Russia. That’s because his surgeon-savior was a Russian-born doctor out of St. Petersburg, the former Leningrad of Russia. “And,” says Kulpa, “she, along with the cataract removal surgeon, were damned good at it.”

“Everything about that place was solid…staff, equipment, even the coffee. There’s a good reason why the Miami University Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute is number one in the world,” Kulpa said.

“I saw that with my own eye!”

First Captain Cartoon post-eye-op cartoon

Kulpa’s first post-operation cartoon posted on Facebook. The Captain communicated with cartoons because he could not see to type.

“I now love Miami and I am also very happy we never nuked Russia,” he added.

  • Tomorrow: Eye of the Tiger! Dick Kulpa gets the shock of his life when he “really” sees everything he had missed, the color “yellow” being one of them.
  • “My restoration appears to be geometric, going beyond vision issues,” says Kulpa. Find out why.
  • “Before and after” cartoons will be posted.

My Take on the Sandy Hook Elementary School Shooting Travesty

As a caricature artist I’ve drawn many thousands of kids – particularly young tourists from the northeast – since 2005.  Recently at the Sailfish Marina on Singer Island (Florida), I counted a number of childrens from Connecticut as having caricatures done. That’s because I always ask where they’re hailing from.

I conceivably could have drawn one of those children, though I’ll probably never know this. One thing is certain, however: I will never get to draw them now.

This is MY take on this senseless debacle.

Sandy Hook Elementary school shooting - Santa is weeping

Cartoon shows a grief-stricken Santa crying in the aftermath of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings.

A “printable” version of this has been added to my home website.

Former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Makes Media Comeback With the Starlette Universe

BOCA RATON, FL — When author and prominent attorney Kathy Johnson approached Dick Kulpa in 2009 to help develop her Starlette Universe, his initial inclination was to decline her offer, since this entailed drawing pretty teen girly-girls and not the macho super heroes he once aspired to.

The satirical aspect of the Starlette Universe  grabbed him, however, and the rest is history. “Especially the parts with the flying pig. And a talking cow.” he quipped.

Boar attacks Starlettes

Starlette girls stymie a charging boar (who is really a shape-shifted Eva the Evil)…with puns!

Plus, these “Barbies” had attitudes, he’d soon discover.

“Kathy’s penchant for puns and poetry intrigued me to no end,” admits Kulpa, and to have a pageant judge coaching me — sometimes vigorously — as to the fine points of drawing glamorous, pretty girls proved invaluable.” After all, back in 1984 Marvel production guru Sol Brodsky advised Kulpa to learn just that.

Cover of Kathy Johnson's Starlette Universe Book 2: Eva From E-VILLE

The evil Eva is peering out a window in this Dick Kulpa-illustrated cover of Kathy Johnson’s Starlette Universe Book 2: Eva From E-VILLE. Eva was drawn digitally onscreen with a Wacom tablet.

“The Starlette Universe features six distinctively different teen girls and their”miss”adventures rivaling anything superheroes offer,” says Kulpa. Their chief nemesis is a jealous, demonic teen queen named “Eva” (the evil) who possesses the bizarre ability to shape-shift into any scary creature she chooses. “What cracks me up,” Kulpa says, “is when the Starlette girls confront adversity with a barrage of puns — and GOOD puns at that!”

The Starlettes also offer solid life lessons mixed in with their entertaining tales, something Kulpa embraces. “I have a long term history producing cartoons and comics offering added social benefit, i.e. the anti-gang “Gangbuster” comic book, as well as political cartoons, so that part is right up my alley.”

“Add to the mix that the author successfully raised a daughter to become a successful national beauty pageant contestant and now a highly respected attorney. Kathy’s record speaks for itself,” says Kulpa, who himself has no plans on entering beauty pageants.

Talking cow

Kulpa says he has to be in the right moo-ood to draw the udderly incredible Blossom the cow, provider of sage advice to the Starlettes — and for the young girl readers who read it.

The former CRACKED Magazine publisher successfully resurrected his artistic career in CRACKED’s aftermath with “Captain Cartoon,” South Florida caricature artist who’s drawn over 35,000 people since 2005. “Those caricatures are hanging around the world, from Moscow (Russia) to Mukwonago, Wisconsin,” he added. Kulpa’s also produced a coloring book, illustrated slide shows and several cartoon billboards among a variety of caricature and cartoon-based projects. Kulpa reveals he’s also written a book about his CRACKED adventure encompassing all points start-to-finish, but he’s  declined to say anything further.

Kulpa has thrown his support to Kathy Johnson’s just-launched Starlette Kickstarter campaign, and produced a first ever semi-animated video on behalf of the Starlette Universe. “It highlights Kathy Johnson’s pun technique and even uses my own music as its soundtrack,” says Kulpa.

“This o-‘puns’ up more opportunities,” he quipped. Kulpa also hints that he may include a bonus autographed CRACKED Magazine along with the rewards posted on Kickstarter for Starlette Universe support.

See Dick Kulpa’s animated video on Kickstarter (and throw some support to the Starlettes 🙂

Dick Kulpa’s blog: Starlettes Humorist Wants More Women as Comedy Writers

Dick Kulpa’s Parody & Cartoon website

Dick Kulpa’s caricature website

Link

Anthony Weiner for President?

Unsubstantiated rumors circulating the web claim embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner might turn the tables on his detractors by running for the nation’s highest office.

Bill Clinton set the bar on sexual chicanery in the White House during his Lewinsky affair — but fostered a great economy at the same time. Perhaps there’s a connection of talent here, one beneficial to Rep. Weiner’s potential comeback.

Satire/news website IUDEXonline just uploaded former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Dick Kulpa’s “Top Ten List” of possible slogans Weiner may wish to use during any potential Presidential run.

These are based on famous slogans from past elections. “Weiner’s the One” was borrowed from Richard Nixon’s 1972 campaign, and the obvious “A Weiner in every Bun” is derived from the famous Herbert Hoover “Chicken in every pot” slogan. There are eight more, one of them inspired by an Alice Cooper hit song!

In another breaking IUDEXonline story, the results are in on Sarah Palin’s emails, Be prepared for a shock!

Sarah Palin cartoon caricature

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Baby? Meet “The Tot-inator”

Given the ongoing tempest over Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recently-revealed extra-curricular activities, Captain Cartoon has posted his second Schwarzenegger cartoon commentary. A devout fan of Arnie and his Terminator movies, the Captain is not taking these drawings, or the issues, lightly.

Drawing on his tabloid (Weekly World News) roots, Captain Cartoon (aka Dick Kulpa) immediately pondered as to what the “love child” looked like.  A quick sketch during a marina caricature stint brought howls of laughter from curious onlookers, but the Captain, after some considerable soul-searching, felt the newly-discovered son to be a total innocent in this case.

Likewise, Maria Shriver seems to have done nothing but right during her marriage to the Terminator.

As for Arnold Schwarzenegger himself? No problemo!

Rather than ponder as to what an Arnold Schwarzenegger “love child” might look like, the Captain instead chose to imagine Arnold himself as an infant.

In fact, the thought did occur: As a plot device for the next terminator spin-off, Arnold’s T-101 could get it on with the Terminatrix from movie 3 and create their very own “Tot-inator!”

Arnold Schwarzenegger baby pic

Captain Cartoon conception of Arnie as a baby. The "Totinator" is shown with a "dumbbell-rattle" and a bottle of Muscle Milk in this cartoon. Click image for its home web site and larger view -- there are a number of celeb caricatures and political cartoons on this page!

Hasta la vista, baby!

So did Osama bin Laden get his 72 Virgins?

Sanitized version of Osama bin Laden's face after he was shot.

For those who clamored to see the actual death photo of Osama, I hope this cartoon version helps.

Terrorists talk each other into blowing themselves up with promises of 72-odd Virgins awaiting them in Paradise. So . . . did Osama bin Laden get his?

Former Cracked magazine publisher turned Internet satirist Dick Kulpa offers THIS rather interesting scenario, showing what he thinks is the kingpin terrorist’s final reward.

Alternative Osama bin Laden “Death” Pix for Folks Hot to See SOMETHING . . .

Captain Cartoon has posted his own interpretation of Osama Bin Laden’s face as it might have looked during the SEAL raid on his compound. One image reflects his looks when he first laid eyes on SEALS, and a second Osama image shows him after he was put out of his misery — at least as per the Captain’s interpretation.

President Obama’s decision to categorically NOT release the Osama death photos “is in all probability the right move,” says the Captain. “But I felt all those people waiting to see ‘something,’ needed something.”

Keeping in mind that Captain Cartoon’s caricature site is “family friendly,” the Captain did exercise some discretion in posting this imagery.”These are somewhat ‘sanitized,” he admits.

Along with these images is his latest royalty-free Obama-Osama cartoon, swiftly drawn and uploaded immediately after the death of Osama bin Laden was announced. Plus, royalty-free cartoons showing Donald Trump in superhero tights and Charlie Sheen in a “Whiners” T-shirt can also be seen.

All these images, and more, can be seen here.

Captain Cartoon Unveils Commemorative Charlie Sheen Caricature

BOYNTON BEACH — South Florida caricature artist Captain Cartoon just released his latest celebrity caricature!

Charlie Sheen takes the spotlight in yet another celeb sketch by the Florida caricaturist, in a digital drawing requested by long time friend and former CRACKED Magazine writer-cartoonist Terry Copeland.

“Charlie had it coming, that’s for certain,” said the Captain, who lamented that he should have done this two weeks earlier. “Better late than never,” he added. Taylor Lautner, Robert Pattinson, Shaun White, Justin Bieber, Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson and others have also been etched into “Captain Cartoon immortality.” Moammar Ghadafi most recently made the cut, as did Donald Trump.

Sheen’s  been making waves recently over a number of seemingly endless squabbles in an almost “Andy Kaufman-like” scenario. “I expect this image, featuring reminders from Sheen’s recent tiffs (provided by Copeland), will stay timely for some time, and I’ll be adding more as he continues to erupt,” says the Captain.

Captain Cartoon, aka Dick Kulpa,  is former publisher of CRACKED Magazine, former editor of Weekly World News, and the creator of Bat Boy. He’s drawn well over 30,000 caricatures in South Florida alone, and recently launched his “Captain Cartoon Celebrity Caricatures Crusade.”

“Eventually, celebs won’t be complete unless they’ve been caricatured by Captain Cartoon, quips the Florida cartoonist, illustrator of the Starlette Universe feature.

Have YOU been “Captain Cartooned” yet?

Charlie Sheen and his rants

Commemorative Charlie Sheen caricature featuring the "Two and a Half Men" Star at his worst.