Category Archives: cracked magazine

Victory At ‘See’ Part 3: Eye of the Tiger

Cat illustration by Captain Cartoon

Captain Cartoon’s first post-eye operation studio board drawing.

By Michael K. Todd

The looming eye operation promised to be tenuous, to say the least. Captain Cartoon’s severe cataract blocked the surgeons’ view of the detaching retina, so that had to be fixed as well. Therein lay the miracle, however. The uninsured caricaturist – having to work through that cataract for six long years – would soon be liberated from a fog-shrouded existence!

To be sure, there is considerable cost associated with a dual cataract/detached retina operation, and upon hearing the projected amount, he instinctively elected to return home and let that curtain fall. Nearing the parking lot, however, common sense prevailed . . . and Dick Kulpa trudged back up to the Bascom-Palmer Eye Institute’s sixth floor to face the music.

eye operation cartoon

Here’s what the Captain always fears during any eye operation. Fortunately this did not happen here.

Not to understate the tremendous efforts, expertise and execution wielded by the two main surgeons involved, there is little that can be said here about the actual operation. Patients remain semi-conscious during these types of operations, posing no problem for the Captain who is semi-conscious by nature. And while Kulpa posted a gag cartoon about the operation on Facebook, fact was, both procedures went flawless. This, as opposed to previous eye surgeries by local eye surgeons which were everything but.

Upon next day’s bandage removal is when an eye-popping miracle occurred. Kulpa could see and recognize his driver from over three feet away – all the way across the street! This newly-discovered clarity was astounding. Signs could now be read and more importantly, faces could be seen in all their detail by this long-time caricature artist! Freckles…eye color…..even those much-dreaded wrinkles were now plain as day.

It was as if a six-year fog had been lifted, especially when Kulpa went back to his studio work. That’s because, while his caricature markers were all labeled making coloring pretty accurate, such was not the same on computer. Upon opening a file for his latest book “Lil’ Lilly” is when the Captain, with renewed vision as good as his cat’s,  discovered what heretofore was virtually impossible for him to see.

The illustrations below make the point:

Lil Lilly book pages

LIL’ LILLY book: The left page is what Kulpa colorized prior to his operation, the right page is as he thought it appeared. Dick could not see yellow properly, nor could he see contrast. In the revised version he has recolored the black outline around Ollie, the little boy. That itself was not the problem: Kulpa saw no onscreen difference in the fleshtones.

Before-and-after look at Lil Lilly book back cover

A more dramatic look at what Captain Cartoon could not see in his computer colorization: This “Lil’ Lilly” book’s back cover, while shown in various stages, gives a dramatic insight into what Kulpa could not see properly onscreen: The color yellow.
That rainbow star at the left was supposed to be the same color as the rainbow star on the right. To the Captain, it looked as red on the left side as it now is on the right side.
The red you see on both sides occurred because Dick simply used the pallet box to set that color. But not for the rainbow.

Unfortunately, a down side emerged post-op. It seems a neighbor lady who’d been hitting on the Captain was inadvertently exposed when he got a second look – through his new eye – and drew an updated caricature of her.

before and after caricature

That cataract-retina operation was a real eye-opener for the Captain, who finally saw his neighbor lady as she really looked.

So, Just how does Captain Cartoon feel after getting his sight back? Find out here!

Dick Kulpa published CRACKED Magazine and is former artist of the Star Trek, Bruce Lee and Ghost Story Club syndicated newspaper strips. He is also known as the creator of Bat Boy.

Former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Makes Media Comeback With the Starlette Universe

BOCA RATON, FL — When author and prominent attorney Kathy Johnson approached Dick Kulpa in 2009 to help develop her Starlette Universe, his initial inclination was to decline her offer, since this entailed drawing pretty teen girly-girls and not the macho super heroes he once aspired to.

The satirical aspect of the Starlette Universe  grabbed him, however, and the rest is history. “Especially the parts with the flying pig. And a talking cow.” he quipped.

Boar attacks Starlettes

Starlette girls stymie a charging boar (who is really a shape-shifted Eva the Evil)…with puns!

Plus, these “Barbies” had attitudes, he’d soon discover.

“Kathy’s penchant for puns and poetry intrigued me to no end,” admits Kulpa, and to have a pageant judge coaching me — sometimes vigorously — as to the fine points of drawing glamorous, pretty girls proved invaluable.” After all, back in 1984 Marvel production guru Sol Brodsky advised Kulpa to learn just that.

Cover of Kathy Johnson's Starlette Universe Book 2: Eva From E-VILLE

The evil Eva is peering out a window in this Dick Kulpa-illustrated cover of Kathy Johnson’s Starlette Universe Book 2: Eva From E-VILLE. Eva was drawn digitally onscreen with a Wacom tablet.

“The Starlette Universe features six distinctively different teen girls and their”miss”adventures rivaling anything superheroes offer,” says Kulpa. Their chief nemesis is a jealous, demonic teen queen named “Eva” (the evil) who possesses the bizarre ability to shape-shift into any scary creature she chooses. “What cracks me up,” Kulpa says, “is when the Starlette girls confront adversity with a barrage of puns — and GOOD puns at that!”

The Starlettes also offer solid life lessons mixed in with their entertaining tales, something Kulpa embraces. “I have a long term history producing cartoons and comics offering added social benefit, i.e. the anti-gang “Gangbuster” comic book, as well as political cartoons, so that part is right up my alley.”

“Add to the mix that the author successfully raised a daughter to become a successful national beauty pageant contestant and now a highly respected attorney. Kathy’s record speaks for itself,” says Kulpa, who himself has no plans on entering beauty pageants.

Talking cow

Kulpa says he has to be in the right moo-ood to draw the udderly incredible Blossom the cow, provider of sage advice to the Starlettes — and for the young girl readers who read it.

The former CRACKED Magazine publisher successfully resurrected his artistic career in CRACKED’s aftermath with “Captain Cartoon,” South Florida caricature artist who’s drawn over 35,000 people since 2005. “Those caricatures are hanging around the world, from Moscow (Russia) to Mukwonago, Wisconsin,” he added. Kulpa’s also produced a coloring book, illustrated slide shows and several cartoon billboards among a variety of caricature and cartoon-based projects. Kulpa reveals he’s also written a book about his CRACKED adventure encompassing all points start-to-finish, but he’s  declined to say anything further.

Kulpa has thrown his support to Kathy Johnson’s just-launched Starlette Kickstarter campaign, and produced a first ever semi-animated video on behalf of the Starlette Universe. “It highlights Kathy Johnson’s pun technique and even uses my own music as its soundtrack,” says Kulpa.

“This o-‘puns’ up more opportunities,” he quipped. Kulpa also hints that he may include a bonus autographed CRACKED Magazine along with the rewards posted on Kickstarter for Starlette Universe support.

See Dick Kulpa’s animated video on Kickstarter (and throw some support to the Starlettes 🙂

Dick Kulpa’s blog: Starlettes Humorist Wants More Women as Comedy Writers

Dick Kulpa’s Parody & Cartoon website

Dick Kulpa’s caricature website

Anthony Weiner for President?

Unsubstantiated rumors circulating the web claim embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner might turn the tables on his detractors by running for the nation’s highest office.

Bill Clinton set the bar on sexual chicanery in the White House during his Lewinsky affair — but fostered a great economy at the same time. Perhaps there’s a connection of talent here, one beneficial to Rep. Weiner’s potential comeback.

Satire/news website IUDEXonline just uploaded former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Dick Kulpa’s “Top Ten List” of possible slogans Weiner may wish to use during any potential Presidential run.

These are based on famous slogans from past elections. “Weiner’s the One” was borrowed from Richard Nixon’s 1972 campaign, and the obvious “A Weiner in every Bun” is derived from the famous Herbert Hoover “Chicken in every pot” slogan. There are eight more, one of them inspired by an Alice Cooper hit song!

In another breaking IUDEXonline story, the results are in on Sarah Palin’s emails, Be prepared for a shock!

Sarah Palin cartoon caricature

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

Arnold Schwarzenegger as a Baby? Meet “The Tot-inator”

Given the ongoing tempest over Arnold Schwarzenegger’s recently-revealed extra-curricular activities, Captain Cartoon has posted his second Schwarzenegger cartoon commentary. A devout fan of Arnie and his Terminator movies, the Captain is not taking these drawings, or the issues, lightly.

Drawing on his tabloid (Weekly World News) roots, Captain Cartoon (aka Dick Kulpa) immediately pondered as to what the “love child” looked like.  A quick sketch during a marina caricature stint brought howls of laughter from curious onlookers, but the Captain, after some considerable soul-searching, felt the newly-discovered son to be a total innocent in this case.

Likewise, Maria Shriver seems to have done nothing but right during her marriage to the Terminator.

As for Arnold Schwarzenegger himself? No problemo!

Rather than ponder as to what an Arnold Schwarzenegger “love child” might look like, the Captain instead chose to imagine Arnold himself as an infant.

In fact, the thought did occur: As a plot device for the next terminator spin-off, Arnold’s T-101 could get it on with the Terminatrix from movie 3 and create their very own “Tot-inator!”

Arnold Schwarzenegger baby pic

Captain Cartoon conception of Arnie as a baby. The "Totinator" is shown with a "dumbbell-rattle" and a bottle of Muscle Milk in this cartoon. Click image for its home web site and larger view -- there are a number of celeb caricatures and political cartoons on this page!

Hasta la vista, baby!

Is Al Qaida Plot Causing Speaker Boehner to Cry?

John Boener weeps again

House Speaker John Beohner's loose tearducts are beginning to irritate some people.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — They vowed to turn American cheers into tears, and it looks like Al Qaida is succeeding, say sources, who claim to have uncovered a bizarre terrorist plot designed to turn U.S. officials into crybabies. Oddly enough, it appears U.S. Speaker of the House John “Boo-Hoo” Boehner is their prime target.

Speaker Boehner allegedly broke down twice as he spoke during a recent commencement exercise in the nation’s capital, according to major news organizations. If true, this is the latest in a series of crying jags besetting the prominent U.S. official, stemming from victory speech wails to a breakdown on the TV show “60 Minutes.” Other weeping incidents have also occurred in his recent past, according to press reports.

But there may be cause for all this: The unnamed sources claim a mystery parcel — filled with onions — was found “in close proximity” to Boehner’s podium. Other evidence has also been found, they add.

But “terrorist plots” may not be the culprits. A psychic claims Boehner’s propensity for crying stems from an alleged rejection by girl playmates back when he was a boy.

In a recent alleged incident, several key congressmen supposedly chastised Boehner , comparing their pit bulls, German Shepherds and Dobermans to an alleged poodle in the Speaker’s possession, and at one point Boehner began to cry. Feeling sorry for their colleague, the offending representatives backed Boehner for Speaker of the House.

This satirist has not found any evidence of any poodle in Boehner’s possession, and attempts to reach key people went unanswered. Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was said to be “snickering too much” to comment.

“Speaker (John) Boehner is part of the line of succession to the U.S. Presidency,” warns an outsider. “Whatever is ailing him, be it Al Qaida plots, onions, hemorrhoids or defacto emotional issues, he needs to “man up” and get this resolved before America starts to look like it’s run by a bunch of sissies. Perhaps an on-off spigot attached to each eye will do it.

See more at Iudexonline.