Category Archives: onion

Anthony Weiner for President?

Unsubstantiated rumors circulating the web claim embattled Congressman Anthony Weiner might turn the tables on his detractors by running for the nation’s highest office.

Bill Clinton set the bar on sexual chicanery in the White House during his Lewinsky affair — but fostered a great economy at the same time. Perhaps there’s a connection of talent here, one beneficial to Rep. Weiner’s potential comeback.

Satire/news website IUDEXonline just uploaded former CRACKED Magazine Publisher Dick Kulpa’s “Top Ten List” of possible slogans Weiner may wish to use during any potential Presidential run.

These are based on famous slogans from past elections. “Weiner’s the One” was borrowed from Richard Nixon’s 1972 campaign, and the obvious “A Weiner in every Bun” is derived from the famous Herbert Hoover “Chicken in every pot” slogan. There are eight more, one of them inspired by an Alice Cooper hit song!

In another breaking IUDEXonline story, the results are in on Sarah Palin’s emails, Be prepared for a shock!

Sarah Palin cartoon caricature

Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin

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Is Al Qaida Plot Causing Speaker Boehner to Cry?

John Boener weeps again

House Speaker John Beohner's loose tearducts are beginning to irritate some people.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — They vowed to turn American cheers into tears, and it looks like Al Qaida is succeeding, say sources, who claim to have uncovered a bizarre terrorist plot designed to turn U.S. officials into crybabies. Oddly enough, it appears U.S. Speaker of the House John “Boo-Hoo” Boehner is their prime target.

Speaker Boehner allegedly broke down twice as he spoke during a recent commencement exercise in the nation’s capital, according to major news organizations. If true, this is the latest in a series of crying jags besetting the prominent U.S. official, stemming from victory speech wails to a breakdown on the TV show “60 Minutes.” Other weeping incidents have also occurred in his recent past, according to press reports.

But there may be cause for all this: The unnamed sources claim a mystery parcel — filled with onions — was found “in close proximity” to Boehner’s podium. Other evidence has also been found, they add.

But “terrorist plots” may not be the culprits. A psychic claims Boehner’s propensity for crying stems from an alleged rejection by girl playmates back when he was a boy.

In a recent alleged incident, several key congressmen supposedly chastised Boehner , comparing their pit bulls, German Shepherds and Dobermans to an alleged poodle in the Speaker’s possession, and at one point Boehner began to cry. Feeling sorry for their colleague, the offending representatives backed Boehner for Speaker of the House.

This satirist has not found any evidence of any poodle in Boehner’s possession, and attempts to reach key people went unanswered. Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was said to be “snickering too much” to comment.

“Speaker (John) Boehner is part of the line of succession to the U.S. Presidency,” warns an outsider. “Whatever is ailing him, be it Al Qaida plots, onions, hemorrhoids or defacto emotional issues, he needs to “man up” and get this resolved before America starts to look like it’s run by a bunch of sissies. Perhaps an on-off spigot attached to each eye will do it.

See more at Iudexonline.

So did Osama bin Laden get his 72 Virgins?

Sanitized version of Osama bin Laden's face after he was shot.

For those who clamored to see the actual death photo of Osama, I hope this cartoon version helps.

Terrorists talk each other into blowing themselves up with promises of 72-odd Virgins awaiting them in Paradise. So . . . did Osama bin Laden get his?

Former Cracked magazine publisher turned Internet satirist Dick Kulpa offers THIS rather interesting scenario, showing what he thinks is the kingpin terrorist’s final reward.

Elvis Presley Agrees With Trump — “Show Me Obama’s Birth Certificate!”

WEST PALM BEACH — IUDEX online is reporting that Elvis Presley is offering to come out of hiding and perform in public if the President releases his actual birth certificate!

Dovetailing on possible Presidential contender Donald Trump’s accelerated investigation into the ongoing “birther” controversy, the caller purporting to be Elvis offered to appear on Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice “once the certificate is released.”

IUDEX Online had no way of knowing if the caller was actually Elvis, who allegedly died in 1977. Numerous reports of “Elvis sightings” have been made through the years. “It sure sounded like ‘The King,'” said IUDEX online’s publisher. See more.

In a related story, a IUDEX online poll indicates Donald Trump would win the Presidential election hands down. “Folks are seeing The Donald as a real superhero, says IUDEX online’s publisher. “He’s certainly proven himself in both handling money and problem solving.”

Some experts view Trump’s foray as a publicity stunt, but others worry he’ll get in over his head. “Trump may have made his mark in the real estate business, but he’s got lots to learn in the handling of real state business,” said one.

Alleged insiders also say Trump is considering recruiting a squad of cheerleaders, dubbed “The TRUMPettes,” for his coming Presidential campaign.

Donald Trump as a superhero

Donald Trump may be just the superhero this country needs to help get America back on track.